The Lost Ann-Mi

I’m in the process of finally uploading and updating my design portfolio.

I’m doing it in a way I’ve never done before - that is, I’m working with modx to create a sort of framework for the entire page. It’s a CMS (content management system), which put very simply means that once I have the system up and running, to update it should be no more difficult than writing an e-mail and attaching a picture, or blogging. 

Unfortunately, it is a hell of a lot to learn, so I’m getting there slowly.

I’ve looked at multiple CMS platforms and while there are simpler ones like Joomla, but it seems this is the most easy to customize in whatever way I want.

So in addition to the general design problems of getting everything to look good in as many browsers as possible, there’s the problem of getting to grips with this new system. And on top of that, I’m trying to learn and implement some jquery effects, which are basically like javascript but different. And then there’s the php stuff, and the fact that my mysql server apparently isn’t very versatile and limits what I can use.

Wäääääääh. Been at it three days now pretty much nonstop, except for the one day of break I allowed myself in the weekend. I keep learning and going until I notice my brain is going numb and nothing makes sense anymore.

This is a frustrating process for me because I know there are so many thousands of people out there who have absolutely no problems with this stuff and who would probably just point and laugh if they saw me struggling to make even a simple gallery page.

The most irritating thing is that if I weren’t insisting on doing this in modx, if I were just building a normal html page, I wouldn’t be getting so many grey hairs. But I want to learn it, so I might as well do it now.

Perhaps when I’ve learned, I’ll make a few tutorials for the things I’ve had the most problems finding help with to spare others a bit of my brain-ache.

Oh. Gäh. *gag* *cough*

Cat… diarrhea… outside of litterbox… All… mushy and… Pooey.. And.. stinky and.. spattered onto the shower wall too.

ÄAGHHhhh….!!!

My friend who is stuck in a verbally and physically abusive relationship with a psycopath is up to his ears in denial. He refuses to accept the facts, has been given a helpline to professional help which he refuses to use, and is in general utterly convinced that his situation is completely normal and acceptable, and that it will in fact be OK in time.

[Psycopaths are] … “intraspecies predators who use charm, manipulation, intimidation, sex and violence to control others and to satisfy their own selfish needs. Lacking in conscience and empathy, they take what they want and do as they please, violating social norms and expectations without guilt or remorse”. - Robert Hare

I’ve heard the overused phrase that love blinds you, but I never understood how true it is. I was naive enough to think that it only made people oblivious to the small faults of someone, such as perhaps how bad someone smells, how they talk, and so on. I never realized it could completely blind someone to something as extreme as this.

I wish I could get him to understand that someone who loves you does not do any of the following:

1. Physically attack you
2. Verbally attack you and demean you
3. Manipulate you into doing her bidding
4. Deny you the right to visit dying relatives unless they are literally about to die within a few hours
5. Deny you the right to visit your own family and friends more often than once a month
6. Threaten to kill you
7. Threaten to kill your pets
8. Threaten to kill herself if you leave her
9. Break your things over a minor argument
10. Insult your friends and family, apologize, and then physically and verbally assault you some more as soon as she has you back under her control all alone
11. Deny you the right to see the doctor when you are sick and need medication
12. Open your private letters, read them, and tear them up and hide the remains from you

NONE of the above are normal things, especially when combined together. This is NOT normal behavior for anyone, not even girls, and if he had more than one girlfriend he would see that this is the case. I know the statement that “girls are crazy”, “there is no understanding females” are easy excuses to make at this point, but believe me, having spent my entire life being a female, this is NOT true. Whether someone is male or female and has these qualities, she/he is dangerous and extremely sick.

Someone who loves you can not and will not do these things to you. On the other hand, a manipulative, mentally ill psychopath talented in manipulation and obsessed with keeping you under her rule will have NO problems doing this, and then feigning an apology when she realizes that you are finally about to come to your senses.

HE doesn’t do any of these things to her - why can’t he see that her doing these things to him is ABSOLUTE PROOF that this is not normal, not acceptable, and it is NOT about to improve in the future, no matter what false assurances she gives him!

The faster he gets out of this relationship, the better it is for both him and her. Unfortunately, there is probably no medicine or psychologist who can cure her, but at least he can be brought to safety.

She is a minefield and this will end in more violence.

I don’t know what to do! Am I simply supposed to sit back, relax, and wait for something even worse to happen until he will see what is going on??

This is the last post on the matter I’ll make for a while, unless something extremely dramatic happens. I’ve been trying to make sense of the behavior of the person I mentioned in my previous post, and this is the only thing I could make of it: Abuse.

I found a website about Women Abusing Men. No, it’s not kinky shit, it’s serious. l know, the title isn’t too imaginative and neither is the layout of the website, but what the text says seems to be exactly relevant to the ongoing situation.

Here is an abridged version. Please visit the site for the complete version.

What is Abuse?
“To hurt or injure by maltreatment; To assail with contemptuous, coarse or insulting language; an unjust, wrongful practice.”

…

Women Abusers often fall into two categories:

1. Abusive Controllers: Women who want to control you so they can own you mind, body and soul. You are … to be arranged and managed. She is not interested in who you are, but only in whom she requires you to be. To her, compliance is love. Meeting her rigid expectations and giving her complete access to you, 24/7, is what she wants from you.

2. Abusive Consumers: Women who want to control you so they can have access to everything you’ve got. You are a tool … She is more interested in than the relationship she has with you. To her, giving to her is love. …

**Important to Note: Some women take on aspects of both these postures… it’s all about her, all the time. Your role is limited to what you’re doing for her, or failing to do for her.

The site goes on to detail methods of manipulation and abuse. And it is all so flabbergastingly familiar. Why did I never see what was going on before? And how do you get someone out of a harmful relationship like this when they don’t want to? So many times, my friend has said that this is it, this is the last straw, but he always always goes crawling back. And now, when the girl has crossed the line and managed to earn the alienation of so many other people, he does the same. What’s going on here? Why can the abused partner never leave?

I understand this is very difficult for him. This is after all, his greatest love of his life so far. But he must realize that this is bad for him, that this is hurting him, and that while it may so far be limited to mostly verbal abuse and scratches, it could easily escalate into much more dangerous ground. He doesn’t deserve any of this! He deserves so much better. He’s a great guy and it pains me to see this going on for so long now.

The problem is, I don’t know how to tell him any of this! All I can say is that I know that the rest of us, we who genuinely care about him are all behind him and are willing to help him no matter what it takes.

Note: If you’re one of the few people who might be insulted by reading this post, then don’t read it. You know who you are. And it’s not aimed at you, it’s just an airing of old laundry. Don’t worry, I don’t name you in person.

As for the rest of you who accidentally read this but are in no way involved, there is no need to leave a comment. I haven’t left you enough details for you to be able to make a fair judgement. This post is an entirely non-objective, biased rant. The only reason I’ve written this post is to get it off my chest.

Have you ever felt relieved that you no longer have to behave in a civil manner towards someone and pretend to like them when in fact you have a very deep, strong dislike for them and a theory that they are completely insane?

I haven’t until now! And it is quite relaxing. It’s nice to no longer have to bother with a fake smile, a hello, and asking politely if they would like to join me in whatever activity I am currently indulging in.

The only thing I will miss is watching them cringe in horror when I give them a big bear-hug. (Oh no! Human contact! Aiiii!)

Well, this particular person went quite insane, took her gloves off, and began a tantrum the size of a small hurricane. I’m relieved that I wasn’t there to witness it. Even when you have suspected that someone is not quite right in the head for quite a while now, it’s never nice to see such a depressing theory confirmed so violently.

The second thing she did was updating her Facebook profile. Hilarious! What topsy-turvy priorities this person has. And I’ve never to someone’s credit when they use an involuntary, nearly invisible disease as a “deep insult”. What I mean is, choosing a status that in no way makes a person a lesser person and then using that as an insult. It’s like shouting at someone because they have blue eyes, or wear shoes, except that this is something that can actually be alleviated or cured with medication! What a sad, pathetic attempt at an insult. (Not to mention the self-censoring that occurred after this word.) Please see the following example for what I mean! “I no longer have to pretend to like this glasses-wearing (censored censored censored)!!”
My deepest regret is that first she went off and removed all the people she insulted on that day from her friends list. (This includes me), so I wasn’t able to give her status change a thumbs up.
The MOST amusing thing out of this whole thing is that after she went on her crazy crazy rampage involving scratching, shouting, non-stop-cursing, and throwing things around, she actually deleted this status message from her page. Maybe she was hoping that the other person involved wouldn’t see it? Or maybe she changed her mind and wants to be friends with him again?

Well, I can only hope that he will come to his senses and see that “his treasure” is not a treasure. It’s an insane, sick little girl who needs psychological help and should certainly get it. I can’t help feeling sorry for her.

But not sorry enough. I will be quite happy to never again see her in my entire life, and judging by the things she said, the feeling is quite mutual.

There are plenty of other fish in the sea. I remember you mentioning this to me once as well. “Well, now that I have found her, a lot of other girls have suddenly started showing their interest in me too!” See? That only goes to prove it.

And if the only reason he’s staying together with her is because she’s threatening suicide or to kill small fuzzy things, that is a great big neon warning sign! In this situation, get the hell out of there!!! This person is NOT suicidal, it is a controlling, manipulative crazy person who is willing to seriously hurt you just to get her own way. Don’t confuse it with love! It’s manipulation and she’s not interested in love either - she wants a captive.

Of course, this last point is merely speculation on my part. It might be that she is apologizing without threats, but seriously if this is the case, it’s more than any one normal person can handle. That violent little lunatic should definitely get some professional help. (And maybe she should change her Facebook settings so that not everyone can see it if she’s trying to hide it from the people she insulted the most?)

I will now go back to breathing deep sighs of relief and smiling to myself.

It’s raining at last.

Or rather, it’s pouring. The skies have opened up and the rain is tearing across the country with colossal power. Many cities are flooded.

I like the rain. Finally nothing looks a dusty orangey-brown anymore and when the clouds are gone, I can see across the bay further than ever.

Unfortunately, our apartment has sprung several leaks, almost all of them caused by old roof tiles. We live on the top floor and there is a small attic above us. We phoned our landlord about it during the weekend, and a nice repairman showed up today to take a look. Unfortunately, while it rains, he can’t do anything about it, so until then our pans, pots, and bowls will be employed as raincatchers, along with their buddies, the towels.

My office seems to have it worst. There is an ugly stain, like diluted tea, spreading across the wall behind me. It also comes through the window because someone forgot to finish the wall there. There is a crack above the balcony window in the livingroom where more rain slips in, and a proper stream runs in from under another window.

Until today, the bedroom was the only room that was spared from this spreading ugly brown patch, but today there is a tiny patch growing there as well. Luckily, it’s as far away from the bed as it can get. I can tolerate the rain seeping in elsewhere, but a wet, dripping bed would not be acceptable!

I’ve started doodling again. It’s so much easier to focus in class when the other half of my brain is busy doing something and leaves the rest of me alone to focus on the words coming out of the teacher’s mouth.

I’ll try to scan some tomorrow to show you. I seem to be developing an obsession with the letter “a” and owls.

Also, I finally finished both Neverwinter Nights 2 and Mask of the Betrayer. MotB was really good, and I feel like replaying it, this time as an eeeeebil bastard. (I find it too hard to play bad guys - I’m much too nice a person.)
Meanwhile, I’ve discovered that there are a lot of really good-quality player-made campaigns and modules to explore. Currently, I’m enjoying a very well-made story called “Harp & Chrysanthemum”. If you own NWN2 and are looking for a quality module to try out, go check it out. I especially enjoy the hand-drawn map for when you travel to one place to another. I’ll try to grab a screenshot to show next time I play it! It’s like a Tolkien map, except made with colored pencils instead of professional-quality ink. Very cute.

Back to the rain: I hope the smell in my room isn’t permanent or harmful… and that those cracks I see in the corner aren’t getting bigger. These plaster-made walls are really not very rain-proof! Give me proper bricks or insulated wood! Stupid plaster…

The repairman will hopefully come rescue us on next Sunday or Monday, when it will supposedly not rain. *fingers crossed!*

I tried to make myself some cinnamon buns to cheer myself up, but it went horribly wrong.
First of all, I bought some kosher flour to make sure that the flour wouldn’t have any yeast in it. It’s not so easy to get non-self-raising flour when all the labels are in Hebrew only.
This strange flour had the consistency of SUGAR. This means my dough was very crumbly and fell apart as soon as you tried to lift it up. It was very dense and heavy.
It also didn’t rise at all.
However, this might all be due to the fact that what I thought was sugar was in fact salt.
Fuck.

I can’t even make cinnamon buns right in this country.
Shame I just wasted all the ingredients on this failed batch.

I didn’t realize it wasn’t going to work until I tried to taste a little bit from the very final stage, when I form the dough into the bun-shapes.
Poor Eyal has gone off to hunt for a non-stop to see if they sell any flour, butter, and milk…

If you ever hire a graphic designer for the purpose of making an advertisement for the newspaper, give them the exact measurements of the space you have reserved. (It’s unfortunately not just a matter of copy & pasting text from a word document.)

Even if your graphic designer already made one advertisement for one newspaper, you’ll STILL have to give them the exact measurements for newspaper number 2 of a different type. This is because all newspapers have different sizes reserved for their advertisements. They ALSO have different size columns.

“So it fits in the newspaper” is not an accurate size, by the way. It’s like saying you want a boat that can go on the water. It doesn’t help. All boats go on water, and newspaper advertisements obviously fit in newspapers.

Second of all, try to give them the assignment with a deadline that is preferably not just a couple of hours long. Please give them one day to work on it and then one more day for you to make all the changes you will probably desire when you see the proposition.

Third of all, try to put an absolutely minimal amount of text in the document! Continually shrinking the font size so it will fit only works up to a certain point! After that, it becomes illegible. Newspaper prints are not the same as what comes out of your printer. Everything has to be extremely clear and legible to begin with, or you’ve just paid for a very expensive ad that no one can read!

Little children have an at times unhealthy obsession with pushing buttons. I remember once when we had to unplug most of the phones in our house because of this one Energizer Bunny. He was a one-boy stampede charging through all 3 stories of the house, pushing any and all buttons he could reach, particularly those of phones. 
Now why is this? I’m hardly a psychologist but it seems to boil down to two things. 

More on point 1 later. As for 2, something happens can be down to two things as well: either they are curious about what this something is, or then they already know and enjoy the sense of power that comes from making this something happen. This can be compared to flicking a light switch and shouting, “LET THERE BE LIGHT!” 

As a child, you are an insignificant squirt. Of course, your parents tell you that you are the most important thing that ever happened to them. This does not entail that you have enough importance to make them dance like puppets on strings. No, shush, mommy’s on the phone. Yes dear, but this is adult talk. You’ll understand when you’re older. Don’t do that. Do this. Go there. Get away from that. 
They have so little control over their lives that they resort to extremes - such as screaming their heads off, doing things that are wrong, or pushing buttons and accidentally calling mental wards and then (remember point 1?) enjoying watching the mess wrought upon the world. Children are Agents of Chaos. They have to be to stay minimally sane. No grown up in their normal state of mind would be able to tolerate being treated in the same way. 

Fisher Price and other multicolored plastic toy companies have gotten it right - children (especially boys) love pushing buttons and seeing things happen, be it real physical buttons or the buttons of adults - anyone who has ever deliberately tried to outsmart an uncontrollable child knows that they do it right back but in a far more frightening way: subconsciously but oh so efficiently.